Guilty
by Firestar9mm
Summary: It's hard to narrow down suspects when you live in a rogue's gallery. For a fic challenge on Samurai Fanservice.


**Author's Introduction:**

For the April Fools Fic Challenge on Samurai Fanservice, begun by EmeraldTeardrops. Admittedly not my best work, but I _love_ fic challenges—anything that encourages me to exercise in writing is aces high with me.

Just for EmeraldTeardrops, Kento will not be wearing pants for the entirety of this fic.

* * *

_Guilty_

_A Ronin Warriors fic by Firestar9mm_

* * *

A series of loud, abrasive beeps interrupted the stillness of the morning. The pillow thrown towards the source of the sound did little to muffle it.

After some shuffling and grumbling, a long arm shot out of the tangled bedclothes nearby and sought out the source of the interruption—a digital alarm clock—hand curling into a fist and just hammering down on the top of the device until it stopped beeping. The arm returned to the bedclothes, its work done.

Exactly one minute later, the sound shrilled again. The vengeful hand retaliated by simply smacking the offending clock off the nightstand completely, the sound ceasing as it hit the floor.

One minute later, the scenario repeated itself. This time, the hand scrambled across the floor like a mad spider, seeking its enemy. Quick as a striking snake, it seized the clock and drew it back into the rumpled bedclothes. The beeping was replaced by some snapping sounds, and then two batteries were flung towards the far wall, first one, then the other, followed by the alarm clock, which struck the barrier and shed pieces of plastic as it fell dead.

With a sigh, the bundle of bedclothes settled, stilling with the deep breathing of a dormant beast.

One minute later, the beeping sounded once more, still nearby although slightly muffled this time.

The tangle of bedclothes rose like a leviathan from the center of the bed, two hateful eyes scanning the room desperately for the source of the noise. The angry hand was now a claw, scrabbling at the nightstand and pulling the drawer out to reveal another shrieking alarm clock, identical to the first and just as loud.

The bedsheets fell back like a hood, revealing wild blue hair and deep shadows under rage-filled eyes. The alarm clock continued blaring, completely impenitent.

The wakened beast threw back his head and roared.

* * *

Mia sighed happily as she closed her lips around a forkful of pancakes, tongue crushing the syrupy treat against the roof of her mouth. "Mmm," she purred, gesturing with her fork to her breakfast companion. "Don't you want any?"

"Too sweet for me," was Sage's response as he buttered a slice of toast. "I'm enjoying watching _you_ eat them, though…" He punctuated this with a slow smile.

She drew herself up a little straighter in her chair. "You're missing out. They're really good."

He tilted his head, considering her. "Maybe I'll have some syrup," he murmured, placing the knife to one side.

Not getting his meaning, she laughed. "Just syrup? Why on earth would you want…" She trailed off, realizing what he wanted when he leaned across the table. Her fork clattered down beside her plate as she propped one knee on her chair to meet him, pancakes forgotten as he took her mouth, tasting the syrup that clung to her lips.

She laughed as he released her. "Still too sweet?"

"Unbelievably," he teased, settling back into his chair just in time to have two angry hands seize him by the collar of his polo shirt from behind and yank him to his feet.

Mia squeaked, surprised by the unprovoked attack, but not as surprised as Sage, who was immediately slammed against the dining room wall and held by his collar.

"Rowen!" Sage sputtered. "What the hell?"

"You bastard!" Rowen gritted out, spittle frothing at the corner of his mouth. "I'll kill ya! You bastard!"

The scene was almost comical—Sage's dress shoes were scrabbling for purchase as he struggled to free himself from Rowen's grasp, but the Ronin of Strata was in a fine rage, his hands like steel at Sage's neck. By contrast to the blond's combed hair, neatly pressed dress shirt and immaculate jeans, Rowen was barefoot, blue hair sticking up all over his head and wearing faded orange sweat pants that were at least two sizes too big for him and a black t-shirt that read RELAX in white letters.

"Put him down!" Mia ordered, getting to her feet and circling the table. "Rowen, what's gotten into you?"

Strata ignored her, growling into Sage's face, "Ya messed wit' th' snooze on my alarm clock, ya rat bastard. It wuz goin' off ev'ry five minutes, I'm tryin' ta _sleep_ up there, ya inconsiderate—"

"I never _touched_ your alarm clock, you maniac," Sage protested, breaking his friend's grip. "It's past ten _anyway_, Rowen. It wouldn't kill you to be up before noon for once."

Rowen's blue eyes slitted in disbelief, and he pointed a warning finger at Sage menacingly before taking a seat at the table and stealing a piece of the blond's toast, sinking his teeth into it with the fervent single-mindedness of a scavenging hyena.

"Want some pancakes, Rowen?" Mia asked brightly, and Strata perked up, immediately behaving himself.

"Yes please." He slid the bitten piece of toast back to Sage. "You keep borin' toast. I'm gettin' pancakes."

"Well, now you can _keep_ that one," Halo said dryly, pushing the toast back to Rowen, who promptly demolished it. Mia forked a couple of pancakes off the serving platter and put them on a plate, handing it to Rowen along with the syrup, which he immediately began drowning them in.

"How come _he_ gets pancakes when he attacks me?" Sage pouted, glaring at his friend. Mia circled around his side of the table, the skirt of her bright sundress brushing Sage's chair. She wrapped her bare arms loosely around his neck from behind, a favorite embrace of hers.

"Because I'll give you something sweeter later," she murmured in his ear, patting his shoulder before straightening up and chirping, "Do you want anything for your tea?"

Sage, still slightly hung up on her innuendo, fought a rush of blood to his face and slanted an amused glance to Rowen. "Some sugar would be nice, after that."

Rowen muttered something about dealing with Sage later and Mia giggled, fetching the sugar bowl from the kitchen for the blond. Things were quiet for a minute save for the sound of Mia's fork against her plate and Rowen's tearing into his own pancakes until Sage unceremoniously spit a mouthful of tea across the table.

Mia squealed and backed right out of her chair, knocking it over. Rowen nearly choked on his pancakes, pointing and laughing at the sight of the normally decorous Halo spitting.

"Sage!" Mia cried. "What's wrong?"

"Ugh." The blond scrubbed the back of his hand across his mouth. "It's awful." Shooting a glare towards the other end of the table, he added, "Shut up, Rowen!"

"It's the same tea you always drink," Mia protested, rescuing the teacup from Sage and bringing it to her lips. Rowen burst into a fresh round of giggles as she made a face and swallowed hard, quickly putting the teacup down. "Yuck! What did you put in this, Sage?"

"Just the sugar you gave me," Sage said, reaching for the sugar bowl.

Rowen dipped a finger into the sugar bowl and licked it, nearly hiccupping with laughter. "That ain't sugah, man. Taste this."

Mia and Sage each mimicked the movement, and each made a face. "It's sea salt," Mia said. "It's the salt I use for cooking. The bowls got switched."

Sage frowned at Rowen, blond brows meeting over his violet eyes. "Dammit, Rowen. That's not funny."

Strata put on a look of surprise, his hands at his chest in a "who, me?" gesture. "Don't look at me, Sage, I didn't do nothin'. I wasn't even _awake_, remembah?"

"He's right," Mia said from the kitchen, dumping the ruined tea into the sink. "I'll just pour you a fresh cup, Sage—"

But Halo was in a temper now. "Kento," he said decisively. "Of all the immature…" Before he even finished the sentence, he was on his feet and stalking through the house. Rowen, who was never one to miss dramatics, hurried after, tripping over his outsized pants. Mia followed, biting her lip and hoping it wouldn't come to blows this time.

Kento wasn't concerned with all the drama; he was in the laundry room, having some of his own. The Warrior of Hardrock was bellowing with rage, standing at the dryer in nothing but a pair of briefs. The search party recoiled in horror, Rowen smacking into Sage, who had stopped short. Mia bumped into Rowen, nearly getting knocked back to the floor.

"Yikes!" Rowen yelled, covering his eyes and peeking through his fingers. "Jeez, Kento, if yer gonna be walkin' around in tighty-whities, can ya at least warn us first?"

"Those don't look white to me," Sage observed, his nose wrinkling in genteel horror. "They look…pink?"

Kento whirled, thrusting a handful of jumbled clothing at his friends. "_Look_ at this. Look at my laundry."

"It's _pink_," Mia said, eyes wide.

"It's _pink_!" Kento shouted in agreement. "_All_ of my laundry has mysteriously turned pink!"

Sage and Rowen exchanged glances, and then both Ronin burst out laughing, forgetting their own annoyances in the face of something far more entertaining.

Kento wasn't nearly as amused, pouting and scrubbing at his face with both hands. "Ohhh, maaaaan! I have a date tonight! I can't go out like this!"

"Were ya plannin' on her seein' yer _underwear_?" Rowen asked, arching a blue brow.

"Not _anymore_," Kento growled, crossing his arms over his bare, muscular chest. "What would she think if she saw this?"

"That depends," Sage snickered. "Were you hoping for a giggle or a guffaw?" The two boys collapsed into laughter again.

Kento made a grab for Sage. "Don't you dare laugh, you frilly son of a—"

Mia was on hands and knees, searching in the dryer. "Hey, Kento? Is this yours?" She held up a bright red sock that had gotten mixed in with Kento's laundry.

Kento goggled at the sock. "That's not mine! How did it get into my…" Hardrock's eyes narrowed. "_Ryo_."

Dropping the pink-stained clothes, Kento took the red sock from Mia and strode abruptly out of the room, completely uncaring about the fact that he was not dressed. The other three exchanged looks and followed as Kento barged into Ryo's room without knocking. White Blaze was standing in the middle of the room, looking at the group as if to say, "It's about time you all got up here!"

"All right, Wildfire, the jig is up," Hardrock bellowed, looking around the room. "Get your pyro ass out here and fight like a man!"

"I _would_," Ryo's voice came from somewhere they couldn't see, "if I _could_."

"Ryo?" Mia called curiously, looking around the room. "Where are you?"

"In here," Ryo muttered, and the closet door thumped in answer.

Kento pushed the others aside and pounded his fist against the door. "You can run, but you can't hide. I'll break down this door if I have to, man."

"I wish you would!" Ryo said. "I can't get out!"

White Blaze scratched at the closet door.

"I went in to get a shirt and I'm locked in," Ryo said. "Can you guys let me out please?"

Kento blocked the door, leaning against it. "No way, dude. I'm _never_ letting you out of here. Thought you were funny with your red sock, didn't you?"

"What red sock?" Ryo asked. "I was looking for a _shirt_!"

"All my laundry is pink, you jerk," Kento snarled. "You owe me a new whitewash, pal!"

"I don't know what you're talking about! I've been in this closet for nearly an hour!" Ryo yelled. "I don't know anything about a red sock!"

"Come on, Ryo," Sage said. "Just confess so Kento will put on some pants."

"_What_?" Ryo yelled.

White Blaze scratched at the door with one massive paw.

The other three Ronin and Mia exchanged looks. Mia sighed. "I'll get a screwdriver."

* * *

Cye, freshly scrubbed and dressed after his shower, was toweling off his hair when he heard squabbling in a nearby room.

"_Ouch_! Will you stop crowding me, Kento? I was so close that time," Mia wailed.

"You're doin' it wrong," Rowen said. "You gotta really jam it in there. Hard."

Cye blinked, halting his walk. Maybe this was something he didn't want to intrude on.

"No," Sage argued, "she'll break it if she does that, Rowen. Just ease it in, Mia."

"Will you all just be quiet and let _me_ do the screwing, please?" Mia snapped, and Cye continued walking against his better judgment, unable to resist his own curiosity. Upon rounding the corner and entering Ryo's room, he saw Mia kneeling in front of the closet with a screwdriver, fiddling with the doorknob. Sage and Rowen were standing on either side of her, each insisting that there was a better way for her to do whatever it was she was doing. White Blaze was watching the entire exchange from the center of the room, sitting placidly next to a frowning Kento, who was…in his underwear.

_Pink_ underwear.

Ryo was nowhere to be seen, but as Cye blinked at the strange scene before him, the Ronin of Wildfire called plaintively to his friends. "Mia, do you think you're getting close? I'm starving and I still can't find my shirt."

"I'm trying my best, Ryo," Mia insisted, frowning as she turned the screwdriver at the knob. "Don't be such a baby."

"You get mysteriously locked in a closet for an hour and we'll see how you like it," Ryo countered.

"I'd love to be locked anywhere I could get a little peace and quiet at this point," Mia huffed, and the doorknob fell away and hit the floor with a clunk. "There, turn the knob from your side. Can't you get out now?"

The door pushed open, knocking Mia backwards and releasing a panting Ryo into the room. The Ronin of Wildfire was also in a partial state of undress, bare-chested and wearing a pair of blue jeans. His feet were bare.

"Finally! I thought I was going to suffocate in there!" he wheezed, then turned a frown to his friends. "Okay, which of you losers thought it was funny to lock me in th…" He trailed off at the sight of Kento. "Kento, why aren't you wearing any pants?"

Kento shook a warning finger in Ryo's face. "You ought to know! You threw one of your stupid red socks in with my laundry and now everything I own is pink!"

"How could I mess with your laundry, Kento?" Ryo argued. "Someone pushed me into the closet and locked me in! I've been trapped in there for over an hour!"

"Well, if the _sock_ fits…" Kento said dangerously.

Ryo turned to Mia. "May I have my shirt, please?"

Mia handed it to him, and the Ronin of Wildfire promptly rolled it into a rat-tail, aiming for Kento. Hardrock danced away, looking for a weapon of his own. "No fair! You can't hit an unarmed—unclothed—man!"

As the others tried to get out of the fleeing Kento's way, Rowen grabbed one of the pillows off Ryo's bed and swung it unexpectedly at Sage's face. Halo ended on the floor, sitting in his own surprise.

"Rowen!" he said. "What gives?"

"That's for messin' wit my alarm clock!" Rowen yelled, bringing the pillow over his head for another swing.

Sage lunged for the other bed pillow. "And I suppose you think switching the salt and sugar was funny? I'll be tasting that for days!"

"Stop it!" Mia cried, circling around the melee. "Stop it, all of you—grow up!"

Cye finally made his presence known as Kento tried to use him as a shield against the advancing Ryo. "Oi, innocent bystander here! What's going on?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at the Ronin of Torrent.

"Oh my goodness," Mia said softly, eyes wide.

"What?" Cye asked, glancing from shocked face to shocked face.

"It's…it's your hair, dude," Ryo eventually said, trying to hold back a chuckle. "Why the hell did you do that to your hair?"

"Do what to my hair? There's nothing wrong with—" As he spoke, Cye moved in front of the mirror on Ryo's bureau. Catching sight of his reflection, his own eyes went wide at the sight of his hair, which, without his knowledge, had turned platinum blond.

A few giggles escaped the other Ronin.

A high-pitched noise issued from Torrent, and then he whirled on Kento with an expression usually reserved for battles with the Warlord of Venom.

"You bastard," he shrieked. "I'll kill you! You bastard!"

The fighting broke out all over again. Mia dove for the door with White Blaze in hot pursuit—she knew better than to stick around when her boys were this incensed. Slamming the door to Ryo's room behind her, she bolted for the kitchen. They'd blow off some steam and hopefully not destroy the house or kill each other, and then come down when they got hungry.

White Blaze followed Mia eagerly to the kitchen. He was already hungry.

* * *

"Truce!" Rowen howled, his voice muffled by the pillow his face was shoved into. "_Truce_!"

"Say it!" Sage insisted, not moving from the position he'd landed in after taking Rowen down with an elbow-drop. "Say it! Say you're sorry about the sugar!"

Rowen wheezed, lifting his face from the pillow as far as he could. "I didn't do nothin' to th' sugah, but I can't _breathe_, man!"

After a moment's thought, Sage cuffed Rowen on the back of the head and released him. Strata rolled onto his back, panting sorely.

Kento and Ryo had called a truce five minutes earlier. Neither was fully dressed yet, having united in their efforts to comfort Cye, who was nearly in tears over the state of his hair. The color stood out sharply against Torrent's dark grey sweater.

"It's just peroxide, dude," Ryo soothed. "It'll grow out before you know it."

"I look like a washed-up pop singer," Cye wailed, head crashing down to rest on his arms, which were propped on Ryo's bureau. "I don't care which of you did it, but _know_ that I am _upset_."

"It wasn't me," Ryo said. "I was in the closet all morning."

"A likely story," Kento muttered.

Ryo shook his head. "Kento, I swear, I did not put a sock in with your laundry."

"See," Rowen appealed to Sage. "Cye believes Ryo. Why can'tcha believe me?"

"You didn't believe _me_ when I said that I didn't mess with your alarm clock," Sage said, sitting beside Rowen on the floor. "Why should I believe you?"

"Well, if _you_ didn't do it…" Kento said to Ryo.

Five Ronin exchanged looks.

The light bulb went "bing" over all their heads at the same time.

* * *

Mia had flipped the power switch to her computer two minutes ago, but nothing was happening. She'd brought some food from the kitchen to snack on and placed it on the desk; now she chewed a piece of toast as she waited for the computer to boot, hoping to get some notes typed while the boys were distracted.

"Ohhhh," she said worriedly, tapping her finger rapidly on the ENTER key. "No…no, no, no, _no_." Her fingers jabbed at the ALT and CTRL keys, hoping for a response. "Oh, _come_ on!"

A furry head butted against her knee.

"Not now, White Blaze," Mia said absently. "Something's wrong with my computer."

The tiger patted the young woman with a massive paw, refusing to let her ignore him. Mia turned to the big cat, who stood with the power cord to her computer in his mouth, looking immensely proud of himself as the plug dangled from his teeth.

Mia smiled, petting the tiger's head and taking the cord from him, leaning down to plug it back into the socket he'd pulled it out of. "Ha, ha!" she teased, rubbing his ear affectionately. "Very funny, White Blaze!"

The tiger, proud of his jest, thrust his head into her lap for more pets. Mia obliged, laughing softly.

"You were fantastic," she praised, stroking his ears as the computer booted up. Reaching for a piece of bacon from the dish she'd brought from the kitchen, she offered it to her partner in crime. "I thought I was clever with Rowen's alarm clock and the sugar bowl, but how on earth did you manage to get ahold of one of Ryo's socks?"

The tiger pressed his head against her side and munched his bacon happily. He'd never tell.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

The Ronin I felt the sorriest for in this fic was Cye. Could you tell? I am incapable of torturing Cye—I love him too much for that.

White Blaze is love. I'm snuggled with my plush White Blaze right now, under a brand-new white-tiger-striped furry blanket. I couldn't have made it through this year without him!


End file.
